October 15: Conflict Resolution Day

October 15:  Conflict Resolution Day

Embroiled in any conflicts today?  Then you probably haven’t woke up yet!  Conflict seems endemic to our lives and our world.  Two places seem especially hard hit, families and The Church.  Too often the fruit of those conflicts are devastating, ending in divorce, estranged children, church splits, and blocking on social media. 

Conflict Resolution Day is a global event, intended to promote the concept of peaceful conflict resolution. Created in 2005 by the Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR), it is now an annual celebration. 

Rather than think in general terms today, I want you to pick one relationship.  Just one.  What will you do, starting today,  to move toward resolution?  As always, God’s Word provides a way forward.  Let’s unpack what needs to happen.

First, identify the root cause.  What, really, is the problem?  “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?” (James 4:1)  There is the culprit.  This is where we must begin.  What part must I own? How have I let my emotions take over?  What have I said and done that I now regret?  Where must I seek forgiveness?

Second, but very much related, we need to confess that our pride is keeping us from moving forward.  Pride is ugly.  It was at the root of Satan’s fall from grace, and it is precisely what keeps us from receiving God’s sustaining grace.  After revealing the root cause of our conflicts in James 4, James goes on to say in verse 6: But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Third, you need to go to that person.  Humbly, emotions checked at the door, you need to go and seek reconciliation.  And you need to do it now.  Christ urges us in Matthew 5:23-24:   “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” 

Finally, follow this simple process, especially as it relates to conflicts in the church.  DO NOT TRIANGULATE!  Never talk to someone else about how hard it is with "so-and-so."  Your first words must be to “so-and-so.”  Matthew 18:14-17 lays out the process:  “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” 

Today, determine that there will be no more talking behind someone’s back.  No more gossip.  No more whining disguised as a “prayer request.”  Instead, determine to resolve conflict God’s way.  After all, “blessed are the peacemakers.”